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Assclown Alert: Stepping up for extra abuse from Daddy Trump with Texas Republicans

May 23, 2026
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President Donald Trump speaks during a White House press conference.
President Donald Trump speaks throughout a White Home press convention. Credit score: Shutterstock / Joey Sussman

Donald Trump doesn’t run the Republican Celebration a lot as terrorize it. 

In the course of the reality-show president’s time in workplace, the GOP resembles a kind of households neighbors whisper about behind drawn curtains. , the sort the place an unstable, sheetrock-punching patriarch guidelines the home and different relations frequently attempt to cover black eyes and suppress deep emotional scars. 

By now, each Republican is aware of Trump is risky, vindictive and catastrophically impulsive. However as a substitute of submitting for divorce, they hold going again for extra abuse and making an attempt to elucidate that their newest bruise was from a careless slip within the bathe.

And now comes U.S. Sen. John Cornyn of Texas: the most recent cautionary story within the Republican Celebration’s long-running hostage state of affairs.

No one debased himself extra enthusiastically for Trump than John Cornyn. Right here was a longtime institutional Republican who spent months groveling for affection from a person who essentially despises establishments — and essentially despised him. 

But Cornyn swallowed his dignity on the each day, posing for a photograph op studying Trump’s Artwork of the Deal that performed like a nasty parody and even promising to call a freeway after his Supreme Chief. Like each battered partner in a nasty relationship, Cornyn satisfied himself that if he simply behaved accurately, if he simply stopped “upsetting” the outbursts, perhaps the kicks to the intestine would cease.

As a substitute, Trump aimed even decrease.

One week earlier than the runoff, Trump endorsed Texas Legal professional Basic Ken Paxton, a person whose fat-to-bursting suitcase stuffed with scandals makes him a joke of a common election selection. Why? As a result of the president doesn’t consider candidates on electability, competence, morality and even strategic worth. As a substitute, he acts on impulse and aligns himself with those that have displayed absolute fealty.

The actually staggering half is that Republicans knew this might occur. But Cornyn and others within the get together had been satisfied Trump 2.0 had advanced right into a extra disciplined chief as a substitute of the identical agent of chaos who helped torch the get together’s 2022 Senate races by going all in with turd candidates like Herschel Walker.

Now Republicans assclowns get to observe a seat that would have been comfortably protected change into both the Democrats’ first statewide win in Texas since 1994 or on the very minimal a monetary sinkhole. Tens of millions that would have gone towards defending susceptible Senate races elsewhere now look like destined for the Lone Star State as a result of Trump couldn’t resist one other narcissistic tantrum.

However that’s the way in which it goes contained in the abusive MAGA family: simply smear on extra make-up to cover the most recent cut up lip. 

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Associated Tales

Assclown Alert: Starting a gerrymandering bar fight — and losing — with Gov. Greg Abbott

Texas’ governor fired the primary shot within the redistricting battle, however he’s positive not trying like a winner.

Assclown Alert: Pretending to root out Medicaid fraud with Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton

Paxton’s announcement isn’t about defending taxpayers or rooting out Medicaid fraud. As soon as once more, it’s political posturing.

Shredding the Constitution with Texas AG candidates Mayes Middleton and Chip Roy

GOP major voters have a selection between a spoiled wealthy child with shaky authorized chops and a far-right ideologue with all of the likability of his former boss, U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz.



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