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Shredding the Structure with Texas AG candidates Mayes Middleton and Chip Roy

March 17, 2026
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State Sen. Mayes Middleton (left) and U.S. Rep. Chip Roy are on a race to the bottom.
State Sen. Mayes Middleton (left) and U.S. Rep. Chip Roy are on a race to the underside. Credit score: Wikimedia Commons / Gage Skidmore (left) and Lev Radin (proper)

Editor’s notice: Assclown Alert is a column of opinion, evaluation and snark.

Texas Republicans have managed to provide a runoff for state legal professional basic that ought to have anybody with a modicum of concern about their civil liberties shitting bricks.

On one facet is State Sen. Mayes Middleton, the oil-rich inheritor who’s been moonlighting as a culture-war crusader after discovering that operating for workplace is less complicated when your loved ones fortune can bankroll the marketing campaign. On the opposite is U.S. Rep. Chip Roy, the perpetually livid U.S. Home member who treats politics like a nonstop cable-news shouting match.

Collectively, they’ve given GOP major voters a selection between a spoiled wealthy child with shaky authorized chops and a far-right ideologue who apparently inherited all of the attraction and likability of his former boss, U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz, even when he hasn’t acquired a deal with on Teddy Boy’s trademark unctuousness.

Throughout his time within the Texas Lege, Middleton has tried to promote himself as a conservative defender of the Structure. Sadly, his reward for President Donald Trump for “placing God again in authorities” suggests he’s a good distance from truly understanding the contents of mentioned doc. 

Certainly, for all of the Senator’s claims about championing freedom, he spends an terrible lot of time arguing that sure Texans deserve much less of it. In spite of everything, that is the dick who authored the state’s present “rest room invoice,” which seeks to empower vigilante potty patrols to maintain trans individuals from utilizing public restrooms.  

Past that, Middleton has valuable little authorized expertise — a shortcoming that ought to be an apparent disqualification for somebody looking for to be the state’s prime authorized authority. Although he holds a legislation diploma, his expertise is restricted to operating the oil and fuel enterprise Daddy based. 

However the largest credential wielded by “MAGA Mayes” isn’t authorized expertise or courtroom savvy — it’s cash. Up to now, he’s poured $11 million into his personal marketing campaign, information present. That’s the sort of generational wealth that enables a candidate to blanket the airwaves with out worrying concerning the tedious process of persuading voters on advantage.

Roy, in the meantime, brings a very completely different model of dysfunction. The congressman has constructed his profession on theatrical outrage, delivering red-faced speeches and throwing procedural tantrums each time the political winds fail to blow precisely his path.

That is, in any case, the bloviating douchebag who singlehandedly held up a catastrophe aid invoice for Texas communities to make a political level, voted in opposition to reauthorizing the Violence Towards Ladies Act and staged a phony-as-fuck border safety roundtable at which far-right propaganda outlet Breitbart Information was the one invited “media.”

Lately, Roy’s scaremongering about Muslims desirous to enact Sharia legislation in U.S. communities has veered into even uglier territory, stoking concern and suspicion towards a whole spiritual neighborhood. 

Add to that his enthusiasm for limiting voting rights — treating democratic participation prefer it’s a privilege to be rationed moderately than a proper to be protected — and Roy begins to look much less like a defender of the Structure than somebody wanting to carve it up for ideological comfort.

Texas’ legal professional basic is meant to be somebody able to defending the legislation and representing each Texan with competence and professionalism. Nevertheless, Ken Paxton’s decade holding that workplace has actually put that expectation by way of the meatgrinder — and ushered on this runoff between two utter assclowns. 

If both Mayes or Roy wins the first and takes management of the AG’s workplace, anticipate to see extra of Paxton’s bottom-dealing, dysfunction and partisan rancor. The true loser gained’t be the opposite candidate. Will probably be Texas.

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