Assclown Alert is a column of opinion, evaluation and snark.
If Texas Republicans needed to reassure the general public that the legal professional common’s workplace may sometime return to the boring, grownup work of imposing the regulation for everybody, they spectacularly failed.
The GOP contenders to exchange outgoing scandal magnet Ken Paxton have clambered right into a ratting, shuddering, a-hooga-ing clown automotive of a main the place the reddest MAGA-branded nostril wins and the Structure will get shredded underneath the wheels.
Take Texas Sen. Mayes Middleton, R-Galveston, whose file suggests he’s much less desirous about being Texas’ prime lawyer than its prime troll. This, in spite of everything, is the man who delighted in sponsoring Texas’ “toilet invoice” and declared his intent to place “God again in authorities.” Whereas he does maintain a regulation license, a current Texas Tribune report revealed Middleton labored solely throughout the oil firm he inherited from pricey outdated Dad. In TV spots, he calls himself “MAGA Mayes Middleton,” clearly displaying his lack of authentic thought, to not point out a backbone.
After which there’s former Trump Justice Division lackey Aaron Reitz, who brings the resume of a real culture-war bureaucrat. In different phrases: a expertise for turning the regulation right into a billy membership to swing at no matter group Newsmax is subsequent to focus on. In case anybody ignored Reitz’s bigoted bullshit, he’s the candidate who final week claimed, with out providing a lick of proof, that Texas Home Democratic chief Gene Wu, who’s Asian American, ought to have his citizenship revoked for mendacity through the naturalization course of.
In the meantime, state Sen. Joan Huffman, R-Houston, has tried to current herself as the first’s “guidelines follower” — a quiet conservative wanting to return regulation and order to the Texas Lawyer Common’s workplace. Whereas she’s actually not probably the most bombastic of the present crop of GOP candidates, Huffman’s poisonous legislative file reads like a culture-war guidelines: policing our bodies, stripping energy from municipalities and treating civil liberties as a nuisance to be managed. Exhausting go.
And looming over all of it is U.S. Rep. Chip Roy, R-San Antonio, the previous chief of workers to U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz who’s doggedly decided to be a fair larger dick than his former boss. Roy’s fondness for grandstanding — shutdown threats, purity checks, laughable hearings concerning the encroachment of Sharia regulation — suggests he’d flip the AG’s workplace right into a everlasting grievance manufacturing unit, churning out lawsuits higher suited to protection within the far-right blogosphere than courtroom wins. Gosh, how nifty!
What unites the pathetic souls crammed into this clown automotive isn’t authorized acumen or a want to do proper for Texans — besides those that vote within the Republican primaries, or course. No, it’s knuckle-dragging bigotry shrouded in a purported shared want to espouse the virtues of small authorities, all whereas weaponizing authorities in opposition to marginalized teams.
None of those assclowns talks a lot about defending Texans from fraud, company abuse or corruption. As a substitute, it’s loos, school rooms and Sharia regulation. If that is the sector, Texans shouldn’t count on a prime cop, they need to count on a full-time culture-warrior with subpoena energy.
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Associated Tales
Aaron Reitz, who’s operating for Texas legal professional common, issued the risk after an interview of Wu was shared on-line of him discussing non-white voting power.
The GOP tradition warrior alleges the county used taxpayer cash to fund its ‘radical, criminal-loving agenda.’
Was there ever any query?
